pulsar

art by Ananya Saraiman, words by Aliza Susatijo

spirals of siphoning stars and and flickering beacons of light 

as i float through this airless space

so vast it almost swallows me

i feel as though i could reach out my hand and grasp the stars

graze it with the tip of my finger

in hopes of being chained to the radiating light

if only so that i am not alone

i am stifled by the pure nothingness

there is no difference between flying and falling

my jump into the atmosphere

a perfect leap of exhilaration

could just as easily be a collapse into the ether

a deep spiral into an imploding star

so catastrophic yet so silent

i am suffocating in its emptiness

even still, i find myself pulled in further

never contained 

but never seen 

i search for a sign of solid ground for me to rest my head

the tears in my eyes freezing into solid droplets

there is no sign of hope or rescue

no one to call out my name

i will be enveloped by this endless darkness

what i believed was an enveloping hug of warmth and comfort

was a stifling cage of loneliness

even stars are kept company by each other

reassured in their place throughout the eternal night by a twinkle,

no matter how dim or how far

in this Universe, where no one sees me

who am i?